People define cheating differently. Some people define it as an emotional act as well as a physical act and others just define it as a physical act.
That topic alone can cause some issues in a relationship if both parties define cheating differently.
So, in order to eliminate obstacles that may later come into play it’s always best to make certain you know how the other person in the relationship defines something like that.
Although it’s not pertinent that couples are exactly alike, there are obviously some important areas in a relationship which help uplift it rather than hinder it. And this type of topic can be one of those things.
Truthfully, I believe that it’s difficult to keep the romance alive and a relationship on a positive note if you’re unable to work in unity with your spouse. Especially if one of you defines cheating in one way and the other defines cheating in another way.
Usually, physical cheating is what we all refer to as cheating. It’s a general consensus, so it’s emotional cheating that can be the real culprit behind ruining a great relationship.
So we’ll talk a bit about that today.
What Exactly is Emotional Cheating?
Well there are different levels of emotional cheating, but let’s discuss the most significant forms of emotional cheating…
1. Lying by Omission
Some women consider cheating to be a secret that is kept from them. For instance, their spouse has a dinner date with another woman, but doesn’t bother to mention it.
Whether this situation is considered cheating depends on the relationship you have with your partner and the type of friendships you have outside of your partnership.
Since the pendulum can swing either way it’s best to make certain you both see eye-to-eye before it ever happens (if it ever does). Maybe you don’t think it’s important to mention it because it doesn’t mean anything and mentioning it would give it more weight than it’s worth, but it’s best not to assume something like that but to talk it over instead.
The reason for that is because, on the contrary, some women feel that if it was so unimportant, then why not just mention it. It’s a catch-22 situation. So, a constructive way to handle a circumstance like that it to discuss it with one another before it ever has a chance to occur.
2. The “Roaming Eye”
When I speak of the “roaming eye” I mean visual disrespect to your partner. Acknowledging someone’s beauty is one thing, but the “roaming eye” is a much more intense act.
It’s beyond acknowledgement. In a situation like that, fantasy creeps in and your partner feels mistreated or upset due to the act of disregarding her and making it clear you would like to have sex with the person in your sights.
Under those conditions, it can turn into a huge problem for the relationship. Of course, it’s one thing to notice someone’s beauty from time to time, but the “roaming eye” is another thing altogether. It can lead to insecurity issues, trust issues, and sometimes result in actual physical cheating.
So exactly what is the “roaming eye?”
Although I couldn’t possibly mention everything, let’s talk about the more obvious actions…
The “roaming eye” constitutes going to strip clubs, ogling women in the street, and commenting can also be a part of the issue in which verbal insinuations are made concerning what you would like to do with that person. Taken too far, it can be emotionally abusive to your partner and result in a destructive relationship that could eventually lead you both in separate directions.
So, a constructive way to handle this situation on a personal basis, is to treat any woman like you would want someone to treat your wife, sister, mother, or any other female that you regard with the highest respect.
Of course, it isn’t always going to work because you’re human, but it’s a good place to start.
By asking yourself, “How do I want other men to treat my partner?” can help you change the entire way you see things.
For example, someone ogling your wife in a disrespectful way is most likely something you would not take kindly to. Perhaps you’d even be infuriated if you witnessed it happening. So, if you apply those feelings to a woman that catches your eye, it makes it somewhat easier to want to treat that person with a lot more respect.
After all she is someone else’s relative. Obviously not yours, but someone’s.
3. Physical Contact
This type of emotional cheating occurs when you go to strip clubs and receive lap dances or some other similar type of contact from the opposite sex.
As a man, you may not consider this as cheating, but your partner may. As a result, this induces conflict in the relationship in which your partner feels betrayed and you feel as if you didn’t do anything wrong.
If this does occur, a constructive way to handle this is to put yourself in your partner’s shoes or put your partner in the stripper’s shoes.
For example, would you want her in a male strip club receiving lap dances? Or would you want your wife in front of other men stripping and giving other men lap dances?
Chances are good the answer is “no.” If you reverse the situation, it’s easy enough to look at it constructively so that the two of you can work on resolving the issue by basing it on the old saying, “treat others the way you want (your wife) to be treated.”
Be objective, be honest, and most of all… be fair. Work hard at trying not to give yourself extra privileges you wouldn’t give your spouse. Make it your responsibility to be considerate to other women just as you would want another man to be considerate to your wife.
You’re no exception to the rule.
Work Together in Unity
Since this issue is such a big one, it’s important to sit down with one another and discuss why it’s happening if you aren’t in agreement about your actions, because a great relationship is built on unity between a man and woman and if there isn’t any unity… it will lead to a lot of problems.
As a man, some of the distraction you’re fighting against is biological which is often due to visual stimuli which you can’t help. But that doesn’t mean the promotion of that behavior is necessarily right. It’s one thing to have a natural response to something like that, but it’s another thing to use that natural response to benefit you in continuing on in that behavior.
An important thing to do is to make certain that excuses on either end aren’t being made. Excuses and denial don’t resolve anything. Serious situations like that require both parties to own up to their faults.
Pride should be left at the back door, so your relationship doesn’t take a beating because of it. Avoid treating it like a game of matching pride against pride.
To eliminate pride in the beginning, you may find it a good idea to talk about how you want to handle the discussion on each end before you bring up the conversation.
Consider saying something like…
“I wanted to talk to you about something, but before I bring it up, I thought maybe we could talk about how we want to handle this conversation, because I don’t want anything getting in the way of us resolving it. I know sometimes I can be stubborn, so I feel it’s important for me to say that when we discuss this I don’t plan on allowing that to interfere with us fixing this situation.”
When confronting it like that, it allows the problem to take the forefront so that when you do end up discussing it, it makes it easier for you both to stay focused on the topic at hand and keep it on a positive note.
You can then discuss it in layers by trying to explain why you do what you do (besides the obvious reasons) and she can explain how it makes her feel and then you can both focus on how to resolve the issue together–in unity.
It’s easy to feel that emotional cheating doesn’t hurt anyone, because in certain ways it can be defined as an invisible act, but don’t underestimate the damage that it can have on a relationship. It can do just as much damage as its lethal counterpart “physical cheating.”
Sure, there may not be any touching involved, but infidelity is not just a physical act. Remember, be objective, be honest, and most of all… be fair. You are no exception to the rule.