Happy Couples – 5 Tips That Really Work
Being happy as a couple is not just about choosing the right partner and then thinking that everything is going to run smoothly. Even couples who are able to communicate, have fun together, share experiences and live together will sooner or later be confronted with some of the difficulties of living together long-term.
Being happy as a couple is a continuous learning process, and – that is why – in this article, we are going to outline 5 essential tips that will help you on your journey to become a happy, or happier, couple.
1. The art of good communication
Communication is an essential component of life together. Contrary to what many people think, good communication as a couple is not innate. It can be learned.
A common complaint in relationships is the “It’s not what you said, it’s HOW you said it” argument; coupled with this you can add “It’s not what you said, it’s WHY you said it.” In starting conversations a soft start up is advised, drop all your assumptions and accusations and gently build up your case.
“What begins badly usually ends badly.”
To learn the art of communication as a couple read some books or watch videos on the subject, try doing this together. I recommend “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” by John Gottman#; it’s a book that not only talks about communication but sets forth what it describes as seven principles that can guide toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.
(#for information, I have no affiliation with this book, it’s just an excellent read)
2. Good silence is better than bad arguments
There’s a Russian proverb:
“Good silence is better than bad arguments”
that illustrates a point that is indispensable to be happy as a couple. It may seem contradictory to plead for silence after having insisted on the need to communicate well. But good communication within a couple also involves holding your tongue times. Indeed, sometimes you are so angry with your partner that you feel like unpacking everything. And that’s a mistake!
Major differences of opinion can destroy a relationships; a further shocking truth is that 69% of relationship conflicts involve perpetual major differences of opinion or other unresolvable problems. Couples can devote years of effort and huge amounts of energy trying to change each other; we all have friends, relatives – perhaps even ourselves – who repeat exactly the same argument over and over again, with each repetition becoming more wearisome and less helpful.
If there is something that needs to be discussed, find a way to calm down and only then, if you still feel it’s worth talking about it, do it! But be aware that there are often intractable problems in a relationship. If you’ve talked about something with your partner 100 times and an argument inevitably ensues, it may be time to stop talking about it and focus your attention more on the issues you both agree on.
3. Don’t take your partner for granted!
Many couples who have been together for several years tend to make less effort to seduce their partner. For example, many men put on weight after being in a couple, while many women pay less attention to their physical appearance and style of dress. It’s important to know that this slackening attitude is normal. At the beginning of a relationship, one provides a lot of energy to seduce the other, but one cannot be constantly in the effort. And this attitude often occurs when partners move in together or right after marriage.
Even though this attitude is basically normal, it is important not to let yourself go over the long term. It is important to continue to make an effort to seduce and be attractive to your partner. Too many couples indulge in a routine where neither makes an effort and love dies slowly. Having small daily attentions is a guarantee of happiness for your couple. And as I am nice and I don’t want to leave you in the lurch, here are some examples of things you can do to keep the flame alive on a daily basis:
- Take care of your appearance in everyday life and even more so when you go out with your partner.
- Send small messages to your partner during the day to tell him or her that you are thinking about him or her.
- Compliment and value your partner
- Show tenderness
- Do things that make your spouse happy
- Surprise your partner (hide sweet little words in the house, prepare breakfast in bed, organize a surprise romantic weekend)
4. Enjoying a healthy sex life
Contrary to popular belief about sexuality in couples, happy couples do not make love more than others. However, it is a common belief that many people have: a couple that makes a lot of love is a happy couple. And this is not completely true. In reality, happy couples adopt a sexuality that satisfies both partners. And for that, there is no secret, you have to communicate! Happy couples express their fantasies, desires, likes and dislikes more to their partner in order to build a fulfilling sexuality together.
To become a happy couple in love, it is also important to harmonize the frequency of sexual intercourse. We are all different. Sometimes one member of the couple may want to make love more than the other. In this case, it is important to talk about it and find a rhythm that suits everyone. Some couples make little love but this does not bother them too much because they are able to develop other aspects of their relationship. To each his own! As you will have understood, the more you manage to talk freely about sex with your partner, the easier it will be for you to be happy as a couple.
5. Never trivialize your partner’s efforts
Another major problem of routine within a couple is to trivialize your partner’s efforts. Couples who have been together for a long time often don’t thank each other for the daily tasks they carry out. And this is a monumental mistake. We all need recognition from time to time, and this is especially true within a couple. If your partner cooks, does the dishes or picks up the mail every day, it’s important to thank them – even if you think it’s normal for them to do so.
Lack of recognition in a couple is one of the major contributors to resentment towards your partner and inevitably leads to arguments. On the other hand, by thanking and valuing your partner for the small tasks of daily life, that goodwill you build up will be very useful to resolve future tensions or conflicts.
Just like an emergency fund can keep you afloat for any unexpected expenses like job loss, medical bills or other emergencies, building up a goodwill fund can make life together much easier and help you to develop fully in your life as a couple. Start saving now!
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